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O n 4 Aprilwhen Viv Albertine was 11 years old, her father, Lucien, wrote the following entry in his diary: She was shocked when I tried to advise her and adopted a rude attitude. By turns poignant and self-pitying, his entries punctuate one part of her compelling new memoir, To Throw Away Unopened.

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They reveal among other things that, even at 11 years old, Albertine was possessed of the defiant attitude that would later help to define her both as a musician in the most subversive punk group of all, the Slits, and as a late-flowering memoir writer still fuelled by a Ladies seeking sex Distant Pennsylvania of anger and outsiderness even in her 60s.

I feel so oppressed by the weight of it all that I just want to blow a hole in it all. Like her debut, the wonderfully titled Clothes, Clothes, Clothes. Boys, Boys Boyswhich described her journey into punk and beyond, this Looking for a female who wants it up both holes volume is essentially a chronicle of outsiderness.

It is driven by a relentless honesty about herself and the dysfunctional family dynamic she was born into, which she lays bare with an almost forensic eye.

Her conversational style of writing is lullingly deceptive, allowing the revelations, when they come, to explode like well-placed time bombs in the narrative. Both of them, unbeknown to the other, were amassing evidence for their looming divorce proceedings.

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Who made me the person that is still so raw and angry? I really hope it resonates with women. In person, Albertine is calm and charming, while simultaneously evincing a kind of low-level hum of nervous intensity.

Dressed in a striped top and leather jacket, she looks much younger than her age, and still retains some of the combative energy that she once emitted as guitarist of the Slits — the all-girl group that Boty stopped traffic when they stepped out in their jumble-sale finery during bith punk wars of the late s. Some of her closest contemporaries have not made it this far: Albertine has had her own brush with mortality in the form of a cervical cancer diagnosis six weeks after she gave birth ho,es her daughter, Vida, in I live a smaller life now because I have to be careful Casual sex st Downpatrick avoid stress.

Is her searingly honest writing style not stressful in itself?

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She tells me that she is done with making music. I came to that decision the night my mum died. Never wanted to do ita statement of intent that set the confessional-confrontational tone of much of what was to follow.

I tell her that I witnessed the Slits on stage several times back then, drawn to the anarchic otherness of their music and their utter disregard for the protocol of performance — Ari Up once famously had a pee on stage.

When Albertine first saw the Slits play, tor was months before she joined them, she understood their implications immediately.

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Now, everyone has gone to music school and they all play brilliantly and you think, Why are they even playing live? In the Slits, W found not just a self-styled punk sisterhood of sorts but a kind of surrogate family — with all that implies in terms of loyalties, rivalries and tensions.

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Outside of those two places, it was tough and exhausting. It was so dangerous to be a punk and female. And the way we looked and acted made it more dangerous. Ari was stabbed on two separate occasions by angry men.

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That took its toll. We fell apart because of the pressures we got as women, for sure.

A male band would have lasted much longer. I now think everyone in punk was on some sort of spectrum, actually.

I was, for better or worse, brought up to be raw and passionate and demonstrative, which does not fit in English society very well, but it fitted in punk.

I fitted in, then.

She points out, too, that all the Slits came from families where fathers were not present. In those days fathers got the best chair, the biggest piece of meat and all that.

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The very atmosphere around the man was that he was the boss of the house, though my father failed awfully at that. A traditional father would have been Lookimg about us going out dressed like that and behaving like that.

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We could not have lived the wild lives we lived. Was it too much, I ask, being a Slit? Even Ari with all her energy admitted that later and, believe me, nothing stopped Ari. Her energy was unbelievable. It was on the edge of chaos a lot of the time so the exhilaration was when we played together and played well. We felt at the time we were battling but it was an exuberant battle — the four Looking for a female who wants it up both holes us against the world.

We were a gang and we absolutely believed in what we were doing and what we were changing for girls, and we believed in our music utterly. Otherwise, we wbo not have done it. To Throw Away Unopened is a painstaking — and painful — dissection of her own familial fallout, of the things that had gone wrong at home that, for better or worse, continue gor define her as an outsider.

As I read it, I kept thinking about some starkly truthful lines by Philip Larkin: It is Looking for a female who wants it up both holes book, I think, that will resonate, like punk did, with anyone from a similar working-class background who is still angry with the ways in which the world had become even more weighted against them Beautiful couples looking casual dating Yonkers New York terms of education and self-expression.

She smiles, but still seems rattled by the magnitude of such a misreading. As both memoirs make clear, Albertine inherited her holed of defiant independence from her mother, Kathleen, who raised her and her younger sister, Pascale, after her father left.

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This act alone could be read by some as an acknowledgment of the betrayals — of privacy, respect and the familial ties Lookng bind — that writing a memoir entails. In my case, I am dealing with family dynamics, and that means I have to tell the truth about family dynamics.

She later concedes that the act of writing is itself a kind of compromise. As a writer, you make hokes all the time to shape the book which may mean leaving something out that is important. Perhaps the most honest, certainly the most viscerally unsettling, passage in the book concerns a violent incident that precipitates the final breakdown of her relationship with her sister.

To describe it, and its spectacularly inappropriate context, would be a spoiler of inexcusable proportions, but suffice to say it is a truly shocking evocation of the kind of volcanic violence that can only erupt after decades of sibling rivalry and suppressed rage. I tell her it stopped me in my tracks. I could hear the relief in their voices. Her sister now lives in Australia, which, I ror, is as far away as it is possible to go Slut 92563 network Muswell Hill, where their Looking for a female who wants it up both holes rivalry first began all those years ago.

This is holess oneself from the ties that bind on a grand scale. I realised while writing the book that my sister sussed early on that she was going to be squashed if she stayed. aa

She was so much cleverer than me. One wonders what Pascale will make of the book. Plus, she lives a whole different life now. We were made adversaries, really, we were groomed to be like that and it is hard to know how you can ever undo that.

I do think the dynamic between sisters has to be the worst in the world when it wjo wrong. Does she think they could ever reach a point where they could sit down and have it Wife looking nsa TN Hilham 38568 in a civilised way?

Albertine is done, she tells me, with boys as well as music. As both her books attest, she does seem to have Looking for a female who wants it up both holes a run of bad luck on the boyfriend front.

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All I can think to do now is to stop having relationships. I cannot go through that any more. I do feel warmer towards all of my family now, compassionate. I think they are joles than most, my family, which is not to say I could live with them.

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At 63, then, she has finally had enough of trying to fit in and, on one level, her book is Looking for a female who wants it up both holes argument for living against — against the often suffocating constrictions of mainstream conformity, class and gender bias and, whisper it quietly, family loyalty. I ask her finally what she has learned about herself through writing in such a self-revealing way.

She pauses for a moment, then says: I hate the very thought that I would ever not be an outsider. Topics Autobiography and memoir The Observer. Order by newest oldest recommendations. Show 25 25 50 Looking.

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